


Athena and Hermes

by Irony_Rocks



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-03
Updated: 2012-01-03
Packaged: 2017-10-28 19:22:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/311350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Irony_Rocks/pseuds/Irony_Rocks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU. Whatever you’ve heard about them? About the Greek Gods? Forget it entirely. It’s all more wrong than right. River Song and the Doctor as Athena and Hermes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Athena and Hermes

**Author's Note:**

> au meme | river and the doctor - greek/roman gods→ asked by areyoumarriedriver. There was actually a decent amount of research that went into this, but I of course took artistic liberties

Once upon a time – no, wait. This isn’t a fairytale.

But you have heard this story before, once or twice or a few thousand times over. Everybody has, at some point. Greek mythology is rampant, if dizzying at times. She would tell you that it’s changed so much over the ages to accommodate the evolution of culture, in which mythology, both overtly and in its unspoken assumptions, is an index of these changes. He would tell you it’s all rubbish _gossip._ They both have a habit of thinking they’re right, but see, it really doesn’t matter either way because whatever you’ve heard about them? About the Greek Gods?  _Forget it entirely._ It’s all more wrong than right.

For instance, he is called Hermes, the God of travel, messengers, trade, thievery, cunning wiles, language, writing, diplomacy, and animal husbandry. (Erm, that last one really isn’t what it sounds like. Really.) She is Athena, the virgin Goddess of wisdom, handicrafts, defense, and strategic warfare. (“Virgin?” he would repeat on occasion, ribbing her. “Really, dear? I didn’t think I was doing things  _that_  badly.” To which, she would always reply, “Oh, sweetie, trust me,  _you weren’t._ ”) Their history is one of legend, but legend has it so very, very wrong. 

For instance, there is barely any mention in mythology of Hermes and Athena meeting at all.

~~~~

Depending on how you look at it, they weren't precisely meant to get along. 

He was always so busy _traveling_ , never stopping at one place for too long. His mission in life was to help weary travelers on their journeys – though, admittedly, he didn't often do it as safely as he should have, having instead a rather unfortunate but deeply fascinating habit of getting sidetracked. He invented fire, was known across the lands as a deified trickster, and was generally depicted as either a handsome, athletic youth, or an older bearded man – and the latter façade wasn’t as popular with the ladies. 

She was always too busy  _fighting_ , though she never preferred it if there was an alternative route, hence the “wisdom” part of her title. Still, she managed to get into quite a few skirmishes over the years; the Trojan War was a particularly stressful period for her. But she did manage to help along quite a few strapping young heroes along the way - Odysseus, Jason, and, oh – Hercules, he was a  _hoot_ at parties. She had her plate full with governing her duties with the full attention it deserved, so all consuming that she often joked it was like being in prison sometimes. 

Also, they were both technically the children of Zeus – but honestly, who wasn’t?

They didn’t have a thing in common.

But don’t you know? The greatest love stories are always about opposites attracting. 

~~~~

Their initial meeting went something like this: “That’s completely impossible!” 

“Ah, no, you see?” he said. “It’s not. It’s _almost_ completely impossible. Almost is not the same thing as entirely. One spark is all we need.” 

“One spark? One spark of what, exactly?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t stopped talking yet. But I assure you that there is a way to—”

“Just stand back and let me do it. We can figure this out better if we—”

“I’ve got it entirely in hand, thank you. Invented fire, didn’t you hear?”

“That’s fantastic, sweetie," her voice dripped sarcasm. "Really,  _very_  impressive. And if we were facing cavemen right now, I’d be thrilled – but those legions of angry Titans out there will rip us apart if we don’t get that weapon working right this instant.”

“Are you  _always_  this impatient?” he asked, huffing, looking at the contraption, “Look, just give me a minute and I’ll fiddle with  _this_  here, and move those levers  _up_ —”

“You have no idea what you’re doing, do you?”

“That’s never stopped me before!” he declared, just before the instrument came to life. “Aha! See! I told you I could get it to work!”

She looked to him, astonished and rather pleased. “I could almost  _kiss_  you right now!”

He flushed, then finally eased into a cocky smile. “Yes, well, it’s always nice to be acknowledged as—” a Titan roared in the all-too-near distance, and he quickly refocused. “Uh, pleasantries for later! Why don’t you go do that whole  _warrior_  business that you’re known for?”

She winked at him. “Rain check, sweetie.”

They managed to defeat the Titans together – no easy feat, mind you, especially for ones as young as them. 

~~~~

He did, indeed, collect on the rain check later. 

And during their first kiss there was a significant amount of more flailing on his end that he would like to own up to, but she wasn’t one to complain. Despite the fact the _virgin_  part of her legend really was complete nonsense (honestly, who came up with these things? She was one of the biggest flirts in all of Olympus), he had some untested skill that she appreciated. It started as a kiss, and truly, she wasn’t sure if he was up to taking it any further than that. A bit skittish, this one, but she decided he might be worth the effort.

Spoiler alert: he was.

~~~~

They kept meeting at the strangest places, after that. 

When he disguised himself as a cyclops to scare the Oceanides from the underworld, she showed up on a white chariot and managed to quite literally pull his ass out of the fire. When she was training Hercules for his big match against the Lernaean Hydra, he appeared, just to favor the young hero with a sword that had a tad more oomph than the normal ones. They were both there for the fall of the Last Tyrant, Pisistratus, and frankly, they may have even lent a helping hand ( _push,_  really) to said fall-from-grace because the guy was, as one would expect with such an acquired moniker, not that great of a leader. 

She had a sense of humor he liked; he had a way of seeing the world that she envied. They both were insanely intelligent and passionate about what they did, and despite going about it in two completely different ways, they always seemed to end up on the same side of the line. For the most part, aside from a few close relatives and friends, they kept their relationship a secret – if you could call what they had a “relationship.” He had no idea what they were doing with each other half the time, because while they flirted like  _crazy_  (seriously, the number of innuendos in any given conversation was just  _obscene_ ), she seemed quite content to let things continue without applying any definition at all, so who was he to poke it with a stick? 

So, they continued that way for a while. It was understandable, then, given the circumstances, that they’d become close allies and even closer friends. But if you asked if they were lovers? He would have clamed up and changed the subject, and she would’ve just smiled enigmatically. 

To anyone that was privy to their relationship, though, they would have told you even a blind man could see where this was all headed.

~~~~

They slept together after getting blind-drunk at a wedding.

In their defense, Dionysus had been hosting, and really, if you sign up to attend a party, any party, hosted by the God of wine, parties and festivals, madness, and pleasure, you should resign yourself to not remembering much of it afterwards. Add to which, Hermes was always a lightweight, and the groom getting married was actually Athena’s ex, so that explained why she may have knocked back a few more drinks than necessary. Their inhibitions were easily lowered that night. 

When they awoke in tangled sheets, stark naked, he’d managed to sneak half-way out of bed with nothing but a colorful throw-pillow to cover his modesty, when she stopped him. “Slipping out so early, my love?”

He froze, surprised and daunted, then spun about to face her. He belatedly remembered to reposition the pillow's strategic placing. “Er, hello! No, I was just… stepping out to bring you back some breakfast.”

“Sweetie, don’t lie. You’re rubbish at it.”

He scratched nervously at the side of his face. “Er, do you happen to remember much of last night?”

To her everlasting disappointment, she had to answer, “Not really. Bits and pieces, mostly.” She paused, sending him a brazen smile. “There are some flashes, though. Really, my love, I’m rather thrilled that my assumption was proven correct that you’d be quite skillful with those nimble hands of yours.”

He flushed _all_ over – and she was in the perfect position to judge that, given their state and attire. He guffawed and fidgeted nervously for a bit before she finally took pity on him; she knew his past relationships were hardly conquests, and for a man that constantly sought the companionship of others, he was forever a lonely man wandering on his own – she understood how intimidating this could be for him.

“Relax,” she told him, smiling. “It was just one night of fun. We don’t have to make a big deal out of this. It’s not like we got married, or anything.”

~~~~

Turned out, they got married.

Apparently, they were _really_  drunk. Thankfully, the only people who knew of it were two of her closest relatives and childhood friends, Aphrodite and Apollo, and the priest that married them. 

“Oh, sweetie,” she said to him, watching him absorb the information. “This doesn’t have to be a big deal if we don’t make it one.”

“How?” he sputtered. “We’re married!”

“So what?” she tried, because just this once, she’d apparently decided that she didn’t need to use that pesky _wisdom_  thing that she was so well known for. “No one has to know about it. It’ll be our little secret. This changes nothing!”

(It changed everything, obviously. You really shouldn’t consider that a spoiler.)

~~~~

They had sex quite a lot after that.

The adventures continued, too, of course. But in between the in-fighting among gods, the civil wars of men, the idolatry and rampant revolution of religion, the near-calamitous ten-year siege on the city of Troy, that unfortunate voyage of Odysseus, you would find Hermes and Athena, constantly embroiled in the chaos, caught up in each other just as much as the disasters. Cythera, the Elysian Fields, the Garden of the Hesperides, Cyprus, Macedonia, Tartarus, the Underworld – everywhere and anywhere, they managed to meet up.

After a while, it seemed rather pointless to call this anything less than what it was -  _love._  Deep, rich, passionate love – built on affection and adventure, blossoming under countless years and over unimaginable distances, the type of love that even legends could hardly give justice to. Their secrecy became part of the ritual they had, for a marriage such as theirs needed no witnesses aside from a close selected few.

And so, when Athena and Hermes faded into legend, as all the Greek gods did, the stories of their love – always gossip from the get-go – slowly transformed into hearsay, that fell into whispers, that faded with the heavy erosion of time. But that was fine with Hermes and Athena. Let history and the world have their precious mythology. 

They had each other.


End file.
